But my heart still feels like winter.
It has been a season of change. We've had a year and a half of coming and going from the ranch. We've released our firewood business to our son and daughter and law, we cut back on the number of cows, we drove back and forth to our old home town to supervise the care of and to care for my elderly parents. We traveled.
My dad died this fall and my mom's mental state took a big hit. She had been struggling with memory issues, diagnosed with alzheimers, but coping. After her husband of 60 years died, she lost it. We tried personally caring for her, we tried 24 hour hired care in her home too and it didn't really work. She was constantly anxious and looking for her husband. She would leave to go find him, she would do odd things. Sometimes dangerous things. My siblings and I decided to place her in a care facility. I thought I would feel relief, but I struggle with guilt and grief. The poor dear misses home and every time she sees me she thinks I am taking her home. She usually thinks I'm her mom I think because she finds comfort with me. It's hard and I am struggling emotionally. I wish I could care for her, but it was just too much.
But it is good for me to be home on the ranch. REAL good. Best air in the country and nice people too. Beautiful surroundings. It is home. My cows don't really know me anymore though, but they have been doing fine all by themselves. Let that be a lesson to me. The horses still come running. Of course, it could be the carrots falling out of my pockets, but then again it could be love.
We are currently in a drought. Creeks that usually are running this time of year are bone dry. Our grass is short, very short. All of the rocky areas already have some grass turning yellow. It is strange and a bit scary, but we have to remind ourselves that the important rains are the ones that come in spring. So please come spring rains. Come and play. Make the world green again and let our hearts bloom.
As you can see, I decided to come back to this blog site. I will also blog over on wordpress, if you are interested, but I've missed the Ranch on Salmon Creek and I find this format easier to use.
Now, I just have to find something to share.
|Perhaps a little flower will make you smile,|
|Or a group of stately trees.|
|Here's some rocks |