I'm two day late this week and contemplated not posting anything at all. I don't have anything to say and when I looked through my camera file of the week's photos, this is what I found.
I didn't have any photos of the bear and cubs my dog and I spooked out of the yummy black cap raspberries while we were out on a walk. Nor of the beautiful golden sunsets we've been having. I didn't see any of the horses or cows with their slick, shiny coats, or of the swimming hole reflecting the sun like a bejeweled pair of blue jeans. I didn't even have any photos of the yummy food we've been eating from the garden. We got home from Vegas and found tomatoes, cucumbers, lots of squash and we even still have peas and lettuce. But no photos. Just a photo of my new stack of journals.
I journal in the morning. It is my vent session, self talk, prayer and general to-do list. I call it my rudder. I use it to keep me pointed in the direction I think I want to go. It helps me notice things about myself that I like and things that I might want to change. It has help me overcome some bad habits. At the end of the year I burn the journals and start over. I don't really want my ancestors to read them. They aren't good and are only a tiny representation of my life and might give someone the wrong idea about things or people. Like I said, I vent sometimes and write private stuff.
Sort of like this blog uncensored.
Blogging feels a bit narcissist and vain. I don't really have anything important to share, yet I keep plugging away because I like looking back over these 'censored' journal entries and seeing all the things that make a life. This is a place our ancestors can look at and get a feel for us and the ranch. I write about real stuff, I don't make anything up, but I try to keep my rants here to a minimum. And trust me, I am a hot blooded, Portuguese woman and I can sometimes be a bit emotional. I put that stuff in my journals to rid myself of it and put more of the good stuff here. The stuff I want to remember.
I've had a few local people walk up to me and say," Hi, I read your blog." There is an openness and familiarity in their demeanor and conversation. They know me. What they don't seem to realize is I don't know them. At all. It is a bit awkward sometimes. It makes me smile. I only think of two couples when I write out these posts. They are my commenters. Dan and Betty in New Mexico and Bill and Juanita in Colorado. We've since become friends in person with Dan and Betty and we hope to get out to Colorado someday and surprise Bill and Juanita at their lodge. Both couples are an easy audience. Really nice people. But of course they aren't the only ones reading. In reality I'm throwing my thoughts, our life, this place to the whole wide world and I wonder if it is safe or smart? Sometimes, that is a bit unnerving and I consider stopping. Do I really want this stuff out THERE? Do you?