Thursday, August 12, 2010
Blanket of Love
I keep crying and I don't know why. I am not the one who lay broken on the rocks. I am not the one who has to lie in bed most of the day. I am not the one. But somehow I still cry. Empathy. Love. Two as one. It all plays into it. That and the little movie that rolls through my head of his accident. The one where I think I am a widow and don't know what to do. What do I do? And then when I saw his unmoving body with his eyes open, but nobody home, and I think , 'he won't like this'. Then, he was resurrected and almost whole, but cranky and yelling and not quite right. Worry invaded my head of what might be happening underneath his shell of skin and the visual of all that blood. All that blood! But now he is whole. Hallelujah! Broken but on the mend, and my walls of self protection slip and the tears fall and we sleep side by side with his good arm under my head, thankful to have each other and have this life with such a wonderful circle of family and friends lifting us up and covering us in their blanket of love. Amen.
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Keep looking for the good TJ- Mark is home and OK. Now I'm with Mikey- quit trying to out-do one another! ;)
ReplyDeleteThose memories will fade. Become easier to deal with. But by documenting everything as you have, it will teach others. If it can save one other rider from pain, one other family from anguish- the education is priceless.
Still praying for you both. Be strong. Kick him in the shins if he gets too cranky on you ;) Or threaten him with calling in Nurse Helga for a few shifts ....hehehehe
I totally get it, TJ. That had to have been an awful experience. He's home, though, and safe in your arms.
ReplyDeleteHugs to both of you from me and Estes.
Believe I can relate. When Betty had her accident three years ago -- broken leg, broken back, fractured sacrum -- it was tough. I think it's our frustration at now being able to "fix" the person we love the most and being unable to do anything about the suffering they are going through.
ReplyDeleteA truth is that real love opens us up to real pain, but it's worth it.
God will make something good out of this (even if it gives Mark the courage to wear a helmet in the future).
Hang in there.
Dan
Oops. Should have been not able to "fix" instead of now being able to "fix."
ReplyDeleteDan
"A truth is that real love opens us up to real pain, but it's worth it." -so true Dan. Thanks for the encouragement everyone.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was recovering from cancer 26 yrs ago, I thought every day that it is most difficult for the spouse because they can't fix it. This was every wife's nightmare. You will both be okay with time. Linda
ReplyDeleteTj, that was beautiful! I had a lot of these emotions when Max was going into heart surgery--morbid imagination.
ReplyDeleteI cannot imagine seeing Max lying there, unmoving with his eyes open. I'm so very happy and grateful your Mark is on the mend.
We love you guys.